When I was in my thirties I went through a period of time where I would have suicidal thoughts every day. My life was very depressing. I had no job and I lived at home with my parents. I felt like such a loser. I would sleep until 3pm every day and get up for a few hours and then go back to sleep. I was completely isolated and never left the house. I developed agoraphobia because if I tried to go anywhere I would have a panic attack.
What was wrong with me?
What was wrong with me, I thought? I had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder type 2, so I thought I was severely depressed because of a chemical imbalance. So why was I still suffering from such bad depression if I was on medication? Looking back to those horrible years, I don’t think my suicidal ideation was due to the bipolar diagnosis. I think I was going through a spiritual crisis. I was not connected to my Source at all. There was a huge disconnect.
Developing Spiritual Connections
How did I get out of this severe depression? I went into recovery and started working a 12-step program for love addiction because the suicidal thoughts were triggered by relationships. In this program I reconnected with my Higher Power and became a member of a community of individuals who were all working on their love addiction. I worked the 12 steps and then I started sponsoring other women. There’s a saying in recovery that “it works if you work it” and it’s so true. I was working the program. I wasn’t socially isolated anymore. I was connected to my Source and I felt great! As long as I was following the guidelines of the program, I did not have suicidal thoughts.
Ways to Get Help
Are you experiencing suicidal thoughts every day? If you are, please get help. Call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 and talk to someone. Get a therapist at Online-Therapy.com. See a doctor and get on medication if you need to. And then get assessed for an addiction. Twelve-step recovery worked wonders for me, but you may not be an addict. But you do need to work on your spirituality and stop isolating. Find a community of friends that you connect with and fill that void that you are probably feeling. Connect with your Source/Spirit/Higher Power/Universe or whatever you want to call it.
How do you connect with your Higher Power?
Read the post Ways to Make Spiritual Connections to Overcome Depression for more suggestions on ways to connect to your Higher Power and develop your spirituality. How do you connect with your Higher Power/God/Spirit/Source/Mother Nature/the Universe?