Depression,  Mental Health,  Suicidal Ideation

Help is on the Way…

I recently went through a depressive episode. It was triggered by sending my daughter to preschool and having a hard time adjusting to this. However, it went deeper than that. I had my own childhood trauma of starting school and when Faith cried at school because she missed me, it brought me back to that five year old little Mary who was so scared to be at school. 

Anyway, in these few months of depression and anxiety (August 22, 2022 to November 19, 2022 to be exact), I decided to wean off my psych meds with the guidance of my psychiatrist and try taking CBD gummies instead. I had great intentions, but this did not work at all. The depression and anxiety did not necessarily get worse, but it lingered until finally on November 12, 2022, I had some very extreme thoughts of taking all my anti-anxiety pills and killing myself. The pain was unbearable and I had been depressed for months at this point. I did not see a way out at all.

The next morning I cried to my mom that I just could not take it anymore. She told me to start taking my anti-depressant again so I took some Wellbutrin knowing that I had a pdoc appointment in a couple of days and I could sort out my meds then. This medication helped calm me down and thankfully the suicidal thoughts dissipated.

Ever since I had Faith, Faith has kept me going in my low times. Thinking about her always stops me short of offing myself. But that night in November the pain was just too much and thinking about Faith didn’t prevent me from wanting to kill myself. I think this is what happened with tWitch. On paper he had such an awesome life, but the pain he was suffering was unbearable and nothing, not even thinking about his wife and kids, could take away his pain. But if he had just hung on until the next day like I did, help was on the way.

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