Dating has changed a lot since my parents were growing up in the fifties and sixties. Couples used to court. These days no one even knows what that means. In American society now people don’t date. They “hang out” or they “hook up.” It is almost expected that the two people will sleep together on their first “date.” While there is nothing wrong with this, it is also not conducive to mental and emotional stability.
What I am going to lay out here, may seem super conservative, but I used this strategy and it worked. I was able to date in a healthy way and I did not fall apart.The dating plan that I am going to provide here was given to me by my sponsor in a 12-step program called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. You may be thinking, “Well, I’m not a sex and love addict. This won’t work for me.” But that’s not true. This plan will work for anyone, even if they don’t have issues with sex and love addiction.
Dating Plan for Healthy Dating
Here is the dating plan in Q & A form:
Q: How often should I go out on dates in the beginning?
A: Not a lot in the beginning. Keep it to one date a week in the first month and then if you make it to the second month, go up to two dates per week.
Q: How long should the dates be?
A: Not too long. The first date should be a coffee date and should only last one hour. Set an alarm to go off after the hour is up and tell the guy you have to be somewhere.
The second date can be a couple of hours, but no longer than the two. If you go to a movie and dinner, the date may last longer. It depends on what you do on the date.
Q: Should I kiss him on the first date?
A: No, absolutely not. The only physical contact at the end of the first date is a hug. The second date you can get a kiss on the cheek and then the third date on you can French kiss.
Q: When can I have sex with him?
A: This is the most important question to preserve your sanity. Wait to have sex until you are in a committed relationship. If you don’t, you will regret it.
Q: Can I drink alcohol on the dates?
A: Are you an alcoholic? If so, then no! If you are not an alcoholic, limit your consumption to a maximum of two drinks. Otherwise, your inhibitions will go down and you may end up doing something you regret.
Q: How often can we talk in between dates?
A: Keep the interaction to a minimum in between dates. No long phone or text conversations. Save those conversations for the dates, at least in the beginning.
Q: Should I go on a spontaneous date with the guy?
A: No! Make him give you at least three days advance notice. And absolutely no booty calls!
Q: When can we hang out at each other’s places?
A: Not in the first month, I would say. Maybe not even until you are in a committed relationship because there is too much temptation to have sex if you are just hanging out at one of your places.
So, what do you think? Do you think you can do this? Sure you can! It may seem like a very slow process, but the idea is just that. Take it slow! If it’s going to work out, it will this way.